what you feel is what you are

babyk15 @ 2009-03-14T15:26:00

2009-03-14T19:27:32Z

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you

babyk15 @ 2009-03-02T21:01:00

2009-03-03T02:03:50Z

I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when your not there

And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two hour bath
And how you convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone watching like we were insane

But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul...
So completely
I love the way you love me

I like to imitate old Jerry Lee
And watch you roll your eyes when I'm slightly off key
And I like the innocent way that you cry
At sappy old movies you've seen hundreds of times

But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me

And I could list a million things
I love to like about you
But they all come down to one reason:
I could never live without you

I love the way you love me
Strong and wild
Slow and easy
Heart and soul
So completely
I love the way you love me
Oh baby I love the way you love me

babyk15 @ 2009-02-22T12:43:00

2009-02-22T17:48:52Z

I found god on the corner of first and Amistad
Where the west was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "where you been," he said, "ask anything"
Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of first and Amistad

Lost and insecure
~~You~~ found me, ~~you~~ found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who’s ever known
Who I am, who I’m not, who I want to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
~~You~~ found me, ~~you~~ found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Early morning, city breaks
I’ve been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never send me no letters
You got some kind of nerve, taking all I want

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you where were you
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

babyk15 @ 2009-02-14T23:00:00

2009-02-15T04:00:46Z

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours.
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in silence and short remark,
I still have these memories,
But we'll never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I'd have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real.
You said they were, what happened?
You were a priority, was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
you knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm sorry that wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

=)

2009-02-13T11:37:23Z

I have never had so much going on in my life, especially when majority of it is directly related to nursing and class. It's now that I realize that you really do have to sacrifice a lot in order to get through nursing school- I cannot tell you the last time I worked out OR the last time I had over 4 hours of sleep in one night.

Despite my stress level hitting the roof, yesterday was the first day that I actually felt sure about nursing. I absolutely love it. I'm actually excited about it. And now I'm only MORE anxious to do more after the skills I performed yesterday out in the clinical setting.

I'm very glad I stuck with nursing all this time. Now is the hard part: getting through it.

Hope - Who Am I To Say

2009-01-02T03:07:46Z

Love of my life, my soulmate
You're my best friend
Part of me like breathing
Now half of me is left

Don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me

Color me blue I'm lost in you
Don't know why I'm still waiting
Many moons have come and gone
Don't know why I'm still searching

Don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me

Hmmm hmmm mmm
Uhhh oohhh aahhh
Hooo aahhh ohh ohhh

Now you're a song I love to sing
Never thought it feels so free
Now I know what's meant to be
And that's okay with me

But who am I to say you love me
And who am I to say you need me
And who am I to say you love me

Mmmm hmmm

I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me
I don't know anything at all

I don't know anything at all
I don't know anything at all
I don't know anything at all

babyk15 @ 2008-10-04T01:42:00

2008-10-04T05:45:29Z

This one's for the lonely,
The ones that seek and find,
Only to be let down
Time after time

This one's for the torn down
The experts at the fall
Cmon friends get up now
You're not alone at all

And this part was for ~~her~~
This part was ~~for her~~
This part was ~~for her~~
Does she remember? :-/

It comes and goes in waves, i....

This one's for the faithless
The ones that are surprised
They are only where they are now
Regardless of their fight

This one's for believing
If only for it's sake
Cmon friends get up now
Love is to be made

And this part was ~~for her~~
This part was ~~for her~~
This part was ~~for her~~
Does she remember? :-/

It comes and goes in waves,
I am only let to wonder why
It comes and goes in waves
I am only let to wonder why
...Why I try.

This is for the ones who stand
For the ones who try again
For the ones who need a hand
For the ones who think they can

It comes and goes in waves,
I am only let to wonder why
It comes and goes in waves
I am only let to wonder why
...Why I try

:-/

babyk15 @ 2008-09-24T07:31:00

2008-09-24T11:31:59Z

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... you're on my list, so i want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

babyk15 @ 2008-09-19T07:22:00

2008-09-19T11:23:42Z

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

:-/

babyk15 @ 2008-09-09T22:00:00

2008-09-10T02:05:28Z

I am in awe. Complete and utter disbelief. In denial of it all. Hearbroken. Disgusted. Ashamed. Disappointed and let down. Disturbed. Embarrassed of her. Misled. Lied to. Confused. I feel like someone has punched me in the gut and took my breath away. There is no consideration for others...not even for me. There is absolutely no remorse whatsoever.

I cannot find all of the words and other metaphors to describe how I’m feeling…of what I’m thinking…what’s racing through my mind.

It can’t be me. It doesn’t happen to me. It just can't be. Not me. It’s typical maybe of other people’s lives, not mine. Not mine. It happens to other families, but not mine. This cannot be my life. Things like this do not happen to me….they do not happen to us. They just don't.

I don’t think that I could even go home now. I don’t think I could even look at her without feeling all these horrible feelings and picturing all these horrific mental pictures that I should NEVER have to picture about her. How will I ever look at her again?

Why did she have to go and fucking do that? How could she? How could anyone do that knowing all the people it would affect? How long has this even been going on?....was it occurring the days I wasn’t home and out working? When I was sleeping? In my own house? In our home?

I feel like everything she ever told, taught, said, or showed me is nothing but a lie. I feel like anything she supported me with or encouraged me to do, I want to quit and never do it again. Like, she encourages me doing nursing and stay in school….now all I want to do is quit school altogether. Anything associated with her, I want gone.

I feel like I lost my best friend. Never again will I be able to consider her as my best friend. I want to forget everything in our past together. They are all lies now. All of them. Now there is nothing. Nothing but anger. In a way I never want to see her again. I want to move away. I want her to know how much this is affecting me. How much she is not only ruining herself, but ruining me. She is ruining everything I ever thought of her. I used to think the world of her, now I have no respect, sympathy, or anything for her. At least not for awhile. It’s going to take a lot to get any of those things back from me. If she ever does get it back.

I wish I could be there for my sisters back home. I know they have it harder being home. I wish I could be there for when everything comes out on the table. Not because I want to be there, but because I feel like it’s where I need to be when it happens.

I can’t even begin explain what I think about when I think about the future. How things will be and what will happen…

I know it’s ultimately supposed to be an issue between them. But I cannot help to believe that it also involves me indirectly. I know it shouldn’t change my relationship with her, but I don’t see how it could NOT change. Not after I saw what I saw. Not after how it affects all of us. Not ever again. Never will it EVER be the same.

What do I even do now… :-/

babyk15 @ 2008-09-02T20:35:00

2008-09-03T00:36:28Z

Oh, Nathania Bush...

babyk15 @ 2008-08-21T20:37:00

2008-08-22T00:38:31Z

i don't know how i will be able to pay attention and get through nursing school...

with a teacher like i have.

wow!

babyk15 @ 2008-08-20T22:20:00

2008-08-21T02:24:30Z

Oh my. Ohhh my....

babyk15 @ 2008-08-18T17:41:00

2008-08-18T21:42:34Z

it's the first day and i'm already stressed out.
i already have 113 pages to read BY wednesday.
it took me an hour to read 10 pages.
so yeah, my life is over...

babyk15 @ 2008-08-15T08:22:00

2008-08-15T12:22:56Z

my car got towed.
and my roommate had sex in front of me.

great start to the semester...

EDIT: AAAAND someone deactivated my facebook account thinking i'm still in a sorority.
uggh

babyk15 @ 2008-08-13T16:08:00

2008-08-13T20:10:02Z

I've been so busy worrying about packing and fitting all my crap in my car that it hasn't hit me (until a moment ago) that I'm leaving.

It's harder to leave for school this year. I don't want to go back. I will miss a lot of things. I'll actually miss work. I'll miss my mom...and ollie! And Heather. Plus I won't be in a sorority which will take up all my time like it used to.

Maybe the nursing program will keep me busy. As much as I hope it doesn't kick my butt, I hope it keeps my mind off of things...

babyk15 @ 2008-07-29T20:44:00

2008-07-30T00:46:04Z

Everybody wants to slap your back,
Wants to shake your hand
When you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
And see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when a lot of folks jump off

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are.

babyk15 @ 2008-07-29T05:40:00

2008-07-29T09:43:11Z

Dry eyes in the pouring rain.

The shadow proves the s u n s h i n e.

babyk15 @ 2008-07-28T19:18:00

2008-07-28T23:19:04Z

is it weird that I can't wait to go back to school?

babyk15 @ 2008-07-27T21:18:00

2008-07-28T01:19:57Z

"There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy."

-Dante

babyk15 @ 2008-07-24T08:29:00

2008-07-24T12:34:19Z

Quick little updates:

I hyperextended my lower back Monday and it still is extremely painful to move any which way...but I'm gonna try to work out on it today after work.

I am in love with my manager/second mother, Glenda Campbell.

The pigs are grazing in the pastures today but they will go on a car adventure later today.

I have a secret: I'm actually kind of looking forward to going back to school a little bit...I think just because I am living with Amber this year.

Speaking of her, she has lost 30 lbs just this summer......jealous.

I'm pretty sure this weekend will be pretty good, I'm excited to go to Shadowbox and the zoo (esp to be eye to eye with giraffes).

Looks like I'll make it to a Reds game afterall this summer.

If I stay in Lebanon and don't go to Morehead, Glenda said she would give a raise from $9 (what I make now) to $12. Sigh.

babyk15 @ 2008-07-17T14:32:00

2008-07-17T18:33:26Z

i'm not enough anymore.

Wow, I just read an amazing book...wow

2008-07-16T01:00:49Z

"Tim had told me--and shown me--that love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be. I'd left Tim's hospital room knowing that he'd been right. But doing the right thing wasn't easy. These days, I lead my life feeling that something is missing that I somehow need to make my life complete. I know that my feeling about Savannah will never change, and I know I will always wonder about the choice I made.

And sometimes, despite myself, I wonder if Savannah feels the same way."

-Dear John by Nicholas Sparks

babyk15 @ 2008-07-11T15:33:00

2008-07-11T19:35:08Z

Ok so summer is FINALLY going the way a summer should go, through my eyes at least.

I finally have made it to Kings Island. I have finally laid out by the pool all day. I have finally went tubing/boating with my parents on vacation. I have finally went camping.

It sucks that all these things have just recently happened...while summer is winding down.

I wish summer could last forever.

"Not Meant To Be"

2008-07-05T22:20:20Z

		http://www.mp3lyrics.org/gWFw

It's never enough to say I'm sorry It's never enough to say I care But I'm caught between what you wanted from me And knowing that if I give that to you I might just disappear Nobody wins when everyone's losing It's like one step forward and two steps back No matter what I do you're always mad And I, I can't change your mind I know it's like trying to turn away one way street I can't give you what you want And it's killing me And I, I'm starting to see Maybe we're not meant to be It's never enough to say I love you No, it's never enough to say I try It's hard to believe That's there's no way out for you and me And it seems to be the story of our lives Nobody wins when everyone's losing It's like one step forward and two steps back No matter what I do you're always mad And I, I can't change your mind I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street I can't give you what you want And it's killing me And I, I'm starting to see Maybe we're not meant to be There's still time to turn this around You could building this up instead of tearing it down But I keep thinking Maybe it's too late It's like one step forward and two steps back No matter what I do you're always mad And I, I can't change your mind I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street I can't give you what you want And it's killing me And I, I'm starting to see Maybe we're not meant to be It's like one step forward and two steps back No matter what I do you're always mad And I, baby I'm sorry to see Maybe we're not meant to be